Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
