I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
