I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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