I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
