you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am one with the molecules
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
