Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Everyone says I win the strip club
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
