I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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