you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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