I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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