i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
