Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
