Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want to make out with him forever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
