and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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