Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
