Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
