I got chris browned last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
