I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
