How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize