She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
