Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
