Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
