You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
