Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
