so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
