No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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