New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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