why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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