i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
