I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
