So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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