Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
