My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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