i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
