It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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