I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
