Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
