Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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