Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"