my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he shaved USA in his pubs
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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