Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize