my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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