how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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