kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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