I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
