Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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