Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
