well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
