I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
