"it" just moved
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
please come you make the beer taste better
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
