yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
