Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
