Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
