Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
