Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize