where am i from again
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
