is wine microwaveable?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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