I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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