After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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