Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There are leaves in my underwear?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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