I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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