i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We got so high we made milksteak
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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