did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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