I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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