i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
