I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
