she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
