I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize