I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
