I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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