Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
