My room smells like vodka and shame
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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