In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
