I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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