Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
