you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
