Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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