i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
