are you still at the devil's house?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
